A plan by Sky to launch a new 3D channel in pubs has been scrapped after a test screening at a pub in Manchester ended up with a Man City fan trying to get into a fight with Wayne Rooney.

The incident occured after Wayne Rooney celebrated his stoppage time winner in last night’s Carling Cup semi final, in front of a group of Man city fans that were stood by the bar.

Eye witness reports state that one of the Man City fans swung a punch at Rooney, hitting a woman who was carrying a tray of drinks over to a group sat by the door.

Police were called after a fight then broke out between the 2 groups.

A police spokesman said “We can confirm that police were called to an incident at a pub in Manchester involving a group of males and a Manchester United footballer.”

Sky had planned to make the 3D channel available to hundreds of pubs from April of this year, but have pulled the plug after police expressed their concerns over the level of intelligence of the average football fan.

“Of course we are very dissapointed,” said a Sky spokesman. “We hope to re-introduce the 3D channel at a later date as soon as we can be confident that fans are able to tell the difference between a 3D image and a real person.” He continued.

In other news, Carlos Tevez and Gary Neville have re-ignited their war of words by exchanging Shakespearean insults.

Tevez is reported to have called Neville “A mammering beef-witted pumpion.” While Neville is rumoured to have referred to Tevez as ” That yeasty half-faced nut-hook.”

“I’ve got the suspect in my sights…….woah, woah, we might need some back up. He’s got some little helpers”

Father Christmas was in a critical condition in hospital earlier today after being gunned down by an armed response unit after he was mistaken for a terrorist.

The incident came after an emergency call was received by an anonymous caller stating that he saw a man with a long beard putting several suspicious looking packages into a bag and then heading into a shopping centre in Morecambe.

The armed response unit were on the scene in minutes and according to eye witnesses gunned down the Yuletide icon without so much as a warning.

A Police spokesman defended the shooting claiming “We don’t have time to think. We have to put the safety of civilians first. The armed officers will have seen a long beard and thought ’suspicious’ they would have seen a bag full of packages and concluded ‘terrorist’. There’s only one course of action from that point…..Take him down!!!!”

Calls have come for police not to be so heavy handed in the future.

“The scene of Father Christmas being gunned down will be something that will give the children that witnessed it nightmares for some years to come. Most children discover that there isn’t a jolly fat man called Father Christmas that sneaks down the chimney when they see their dad drunkenly stumbling into their bedroom in his dressing gown and dropping presents everywhere. These poor mites are going to think he doesn’t exist because the police have blown his brains out of his arse.” Said Rev Michael Fotherington.

Shocking new evidence came to light today that a notorious German paedophile ring may be behind the kidnapping of YouTube’s ‘Laughing Baby’. Police are investigating after receiving a tip off about a mysterious e-bay bidding war. The item, entitled ‘Internet comedy greatest hit CD’, has received 350 bids in just 24 hours with the current price standing at €39,000.

In a press conference earlier today, Met Police Chief Sir Paul Stephenson appeared confident it was him. ‘He’s the most famous baby in the world with almost 90 million hits. Whoever took him is fully aware of the massive demand. Every self-respecting paedophile wants to get his hands on the mega-star and is willing to pay big bucks for him. We estimate his current paedo market value to be around the €250,000 mark, and wouldn’t be surprised if the bidding exceeds that’

Stephenson refused to comment further on the developments, but did speculate on the possible aftermath of the tragedy. ‘If we do find him, our greatest fear is that he may have suffered chuckle muscle trauma due to his ordeal. If the worst has indeed happened and he is unable to laugh again, we might have no option but to return him to the seller. If he can’t make the hilarious sounds any more then what use is he to us?’

The Laughing Baby’s parents seemed in agreement and issued this warning from his studio-cot this morning. ‘He’s got a nerve if he thinks he can crawl back home and quit his job just like that. How are we going to get any more YouTube hits if just sits there in silence? Who would watch that? We will be having serious words with the little chap if thinks he can turn his back on us like that’.