Next up in our spotlight on despotic dreamboats is our very own BNP (British National Pin-up), Naughty Nick Griffin.

50 year old Nick is capable of setting your pulse racing and making you sweat, unfortunately if you’re a muslim this will be because one of his henchman is chasing you with a baseball bat.

Favourite colour: White

Hobbies: Inciting racial hatred and holocaust denial

Turn offs: Foreigners, homosexuals, lefties

Turn ons: Totalitarian, autocratic dictatorships

Griffin photographed at a campaign to banish black pudding from the full English breakfast

BNP leader, Nick Griffin, has launched his own cookbook which is crammed full of tasty racist recipes. The cookbook entitled ‘Mein Küche’ features recipes such as Hot and Spicy Right Wings and Chicken Swastika Masala

Griffin’s culinary skills are much in demand. This was demonstrated at a recent press conference, on College Green in front of parliament, when a number of people threw ingredients at him in the hope that he would knock up one of his popular dishes

Kevin Scott, the BNP’s North East regional organiser, said “Nick’s an absolute Grand Wizard in the kitchen! His meringues are extraordinary! He tells me that the secret is ensuring that the yolks are segregated from the whites. Any yellow left in will contaminate the whites and stop its glorious uprising.” He also went on to praise some more of Griffins culinary treats ” Words can’t descibe how tasty his Potato Waffens are” He enthused.

Celebrity chefs were quick to condemn the cookbook, with Jamie Oliver blasting “Bloody bish bash bosh! Griffin’s political views are very unpukka. The BNP are like a Billy Ray Cyrus, infecting people with their Pork Pies. It doesn’t matter where people come from! Whether they’re Bacon Sarnie, Jam Roll, Tiddly Winks or a Captain Kirk, we should join together to oppose such a Lester Piggot. Dib dab dob wallop!”

Mein Küche is available now on Totalitarian, autocratic, single party, national socialist dictatorship books. The first 1000 copies come with a free How to prepare and cook a goose step by step guide.

Leader of the BNP, Nick Griffin, was being hailed as a hero last night after he saved a drowning kitten from a pond. The right wing mental case who has a criminal conviction for inciting racial hatred, leant forward across the pond to retrieve the kitten, ignoring the risk of getting his socks and shoes wet. Griffin who is head of the party that lists assault, burglary and car theft amongst its members criminal convictions, brushed off the incident. “I just did what anyone else would do” He said modestly. This was denied by Kevin Scott, the BNP’s North East regional organiser, who said that he would have thrown bricks at it.

The cat’s owner, Mrs Husna Qadir, was full of gratitude for Griffin, ” His party may have a history of violence, with convictions for being in possession of explosives amongst other things, but I think saving Mittens from drowning has shown his softer side.” Editor of Anti-Fascist magazine Searchlight, Nick Lowles said ” Everything that the BNP stands for is abhorrent, we must do all we can to stand against their campaigns of hate!……look at that kitten’s little face though, he’s so cute.”

News that Gordon Brown had rescued a family from the top floor of a block of flats that was engulfed in flames, has not affected his popularity in the polls after it was revealed that the family were gingers.