A drinking game based on the 9/11 terrorist attrocities has left some members of the general public completely crippled with shock.

The game involves 2 main participants, referred to as The South Tower and The North Tower. The South Tower and The North Tower have to drink a combination of drinks referred to as United Airlines Flight 175 and American Airlines Flight 11.The drinks are determined by picking playing cards. The first tower to collapse loses the game.

Other rules in the game include:

Any player drawing two cards that’s combined value is eleven gets to choose his opposition’s drink. This is referred to as ‘ A controlled demolition’

Any player drawing a nine followed by a three is referred to as Flight 93 and has to crash in a field until the following morning.

War veteran, Mr James Madden is just one of many people who suffered permanent disability as a result of hearing about the game.

“I was surfing on the net trying to find some pictures of Tennis player Laura Robson, when I found a website that had details of the game. I was speechless. I tried to get up to alert my wife to the sickening story, but fell to the ground and was unable to get up. What’s even more upsetting is that losing the use of your legs is referred to in the game as ‘Ground Zero’, so It felt like I was involved in the game, which caused further shock resulting in a mild heart attack.” Said Mr Madden.

The game has been defended by its inventor, Graham Staff, who explained, “The victims of 9/11 died in tragic circumstances. What finer tribute can there be than to honour their memory by getting ripped to the back tits on booze and lying face down in a pool of your own vomit? I’m sure it’s what they would have wanted.”

If you’re visiting this site then you are probably one of 3 things:

1. Someone I know
2. Just been watching Laura Robson in some tennis match and in your depraved search for pervy shots of her, you have stumbled across Lethal Haystack’s Bukkake story
3.Some Eastern European spambot trying to spew untold amounts of perverted links directing us to filth and debauchery of a disgusting nature! Seriously, the thought of women writhing about in lesbian ecstacy,exploring each other’s bodies with the help of a variety of toys, food and garden machinery, their swaeting bodies……..is erm, yeah, disgusting

The thing that gets me about spam is the lack of effort that goes into slipping through the net. It’s always things like.

“Hi, just wanted to say that I liked your article and will be visiting more in the future.”

This would be potentially acceptable if it wasn’t for the fact that their name is usually something like hotdribblinggrannies.com or HowIlost30lbsinthirtyseconds.com

Occasionally they are written in some amazing language that in some cases is a joy to read. Sometimes I’m happy to let spam through if I think enough effort has been made. This is one of my absolute favourites so far..

Advantageously, the article is in reality the greatest on this precious topic. I harmonize with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your coming updates. Saying thanks will not just be enough, for the extraordinary clarity in your writing. I will immediately grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates with my hemorrhoids review website.Authentic work and much success in your business dealings!Thank you very much.

I’m sure you’ll agree that that is absolutely beautiful. It was some spam that was submitted onto a story about Lottery presenter Jenni Falconer accidentally touching her anus while wiping her arse, so yeah, a ‘precious topic’ indeed.

Dawn of the Jed have teamed up with ELF Energy in an attempt to produce a greener form of energy created by teenage boys looking for grumble on the internet.

A spokesman for ELF said “Wank happy teenagers produce enough energy in their attempts to find suitable material for cracking one off to power an entire household for 6 hours. A recent story on the humorous website Dawn of the Jed about teenage tennis starlet Laura Robson generated enough teenage energy to power a town the size of Ipswich for 2 weeks.”

Official Dawn of the Jed Spokesman, David Pixton said “Everyone at Jed is delighted that it can contribute toward a greener planet and a nicer environment for everyone to live and prosper in. Initiatives like this can only be a positive thing. The thought that your kettle or even your granny’s life support machine is being powered by a spotty teenager called Dwayne furiously masturbating over an image of Girls Aloud makes you proud to be British.”

Environmentalists have however issued a stark warning concerning the plans. “It is entirely possible that people searching for cyberscud of celebrities like Laura Robson are not teenage boys, but people with more sinister motives. Energy created of this kind is known in energy circles as ‘Bad power’. This kind of power contaminates clean energy and causes malfunctions in electrical appliances creating such hazards as burnt toast and poorly refrigerated meats.” ranted Green party leader Caroline Lucas.

Teeny tennis starlet sensation Laura Robson was forced to pull out of Wimbledon today after her first round match descended into chaos as hundreds of spectators invaded the court to ejaculate over her.

The invasion was triggered after three times Wimbledon champion Boris Becker appeared to misunderstand shouts of ‘come on Laura’ from the crowd and leapt from the commentary box to begin furiously masturbating over her.

A confused Robson appeared stunned and motionless as more people followed suit to join the improvised porno. She was eventually rescued from the mob by Sue Barker who announced over the speaker system that she would be ‘available after the game for an anal gang bang in the changing rooms’.

The shocking events have cast further doubts over her inclusion in the senior event. In a press conference after the game her manager admitted that it may have been a mistake. ‘She is clearly too young to be able to deal with these kinds of events. It was also irresponsible of us to put that sort of jail-bait on display, and it’s no wonder the crowd got a little excited’.

It’s not the first time such an event has happened in world tennis. In 2003 Goran Ivanisevic attempted to defecate on Serena Williams, and 2004 saw Tim Henman infamously urinate on a ball girl mid match.

There are now calls for measures to be introduced to quell the frenzied sexual atmosphere in games. The Guardian today suggested Burkhas for players may be the way forward, whilst the Sun were much less extreme and believe compulsory pre-game masturbation booths would prevent a repeat of the horrors.