If you’re visiting this site then you are probably one of 3 things:

1. Someone I know
2. Just been watching Laura Robson in some tennis match and in your depraved search for pervy shots of her, you have stumbled across Lethal Haystack’s Bukkake story
3.Some Eastern European spambot trying to spew untold amounts of perverted links directing us to filth and debauchery of a disgusting nature! Seriously, the thought of women writhing about in lesbian ecstacy,exploring each other’s bodies with the help of a variety of toys, food and garden machinery, their swaeting bodies……..is erm, yeah, disgusting

The thing that gets me about spam is the lack of effort that goes into slipping through the net. It’s always things like.

“Hi, just wanted to say that I liked your article and will be visiting more in the future.”

This would be potentially acceptable if it wasn’t for the fact that their name is usually something like hotdribblinggrannies.com or HowIlost30lbsinthirtyseconds.com

Occasionally they are written in some amazing language that in some cases is a joy to read. Sometimes I’m happy to let spam through if I think enough effort has been made. This is one of my absolute favourites so far..

Advantageously, the article is in reality the greatest on this precious topic. I harmonize with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your coming updates. Saying thanks will not just be enough, for the extraordinary clarity in your writing. I will immediately grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates with my hemorrhoids review website.Authentic work and much success in your business dealings!Thank you very much.

I’m sure you’ll agree that that is absolutely beautiful. It was some spam that was submitted onto a story about Lottery presenter Jenni Falconer accidentally touching her anus while wiping her arse, so yeah, a ‘precious topic’ indeed.

In this new feature we challenge celebrities to go up against famous artists in a painting competition.

First up is man-shouldered lottery host, Jenni Falconer Vs Post-impressionist, Paul Gauguin.

Paul weighs in with this picture which he has called Two Tahitian Women.In the painting Gauguin shifts from his symbolist pictorial agenda in order to focus on the beauty and serene virtues of the native women.

Jenni has entered this painting that she has titled Big Hairy Cock and Balls. Jenni who is pictured showing of her painting with leading art critic Peregrine Falcon, said “I’ve always loved painting and I hope everyone enjoys my work.”

Peregrine Falcon enthused “Jenni clearly has a raw talent. The Cock and balls on their own are impressive, but the addition of the jizz splash is inspired.”

The entertainment world was reeling last night after it was revealed that National Lottery presenter, Jenni Falconer, wipes her anus after she defecates. The news comes as a blow to BBC bosses, who are already under fire from license payers after a series of scandals involving highly paid BBC stars. Outraged viewers have jammed the BBC switchboard to vent their disgust at the latest revelation, with many calling for the resignation of Director General Mark Thompson.

Margeret Rinse, spokeswoman for The Campaign for Decency and Capital Punishment, said “The thought that this woman could be appearing on our TV screens moments after her fingers have come into close proximity with her anus is disgusting! It is entirely possible that on occasion her fingers may have gone through the toilet paper and she may even have got excrement on her hands.”

A BBC spokesman has pledged that they will make every effort to clean up their act “We can only apologise to viewers for Jenni Falconer’s actions. She has been suspended from the show while we conduct an investigation into this and a seperate allegation that she said the words ’shitty twat bollocks’ after burning her hand on a baking tray when taking a pizza out of the oven at her house.”

Vernon Kay and Tess Daly, who shocked viewers by appearing on screen together despite previously having had sex in the privacy of their bedroom, have been sacked from their Friday night primetime quiz show Fuck That Tune.