ITV has received a number of complaints following Saturday’s jungle challenge called Vile Vending, with over 200 people calling to complain that the level of humiliation dealt out in the challenge was comparable to mental torture.

In the challenge, jungle contestants Katie Price and Kim Woodburn had to eat a number of disgusting items in order to win meals for the other members of the camp.

Katie was first up in the challenge and pushed the button to release the first sickening snack. Both Katie and Kim gasped with shock as hosts Ant and Dec revealed that it was a Tesco Value Sausage.

Katie put hers in her mouth and retched badly, saying “It’s disgusting, it tastes like blood and sick.” She finally spat out the sausage after stating that she was unable to chew it.

Kim bravely popped a sausage into her mouth, but was reduced to uncontrollable retching, much to the amusement of the onlooking Ant and Dec. It took Kim several minutes to chew her way through the sausage, but she finally managed it claiming 1 meal for camp. Katie and Kim were then handed a kangaroos anus which they sucked to take the sausage taste away.

Amongst other things that they had to eat were an Iceland Chicken Curry with Rice, a steak bake from Greggs and a Costcutter Scotch Egg.

In tonight’s The Weakest link, Anne Robinson has the nerve to lambast contestants despite the fact that she has a face so ravaged with surgery that when she talks she resembles a ventriloquist that has lost their dummy. Careful not to turn around too quickly, Anne, your heads coming loose. Hugely popular sitcom, My Family, continues to leave us with a cold, dead feeling inside. At 9.00 it’s time for Casualty, a Quiz show where contestants have to guess who will die and how. Featuring a bonus round in which contestants have to figure out how hospital dramas that continually regurgitate the same tired old storylines get on prime time TV.

Over on BBC2, Don’t miss Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and the other one present a show that you can apparently enjoy even if you’re not that fussed about cars. If your idea of fun is watching a shouty haired buffoon whine on about how it’s unfair that he can’t drive at 150mph through a school playgound, then it’s outstanding. You can also spend time trying to work out why Richard Hammond insists on dressing like 15 year old with a haircut that resembles Princess Diana’s after a car crash. That bit where they sit together pretending to have an improvised chat is possibly the most contrived piece of TV you will ever see.

ITV. Unless they’re showing football, then this Channel is an absolute disgrace.Infact even if they are showing football, then it is produced to such a poor standard that you’d rather imagine what’s going on than watch it. If you’re one of those unemployed types that doesn’t see daylight unless it’s signing on day, then you could always watch the Jeremy Kyle repeat in the early hours of the morning. You can always spot the unemployed on their way to sign on, they’re the ones stumbling around with tears streaming down their faces as they try and adjust to the sunlight. Jeremy Kyle’s show consists mostly of lie detector results with a 96% accuracy. This of course means that he stitches up 1 in 25 of the people that appear on his show.

If you like watching people with bad attitudes looking for a house that they can’t possibly afford while Kirsty Alsopp and Phil Spencer have sex in their heads, then flick over to Channel 4 for Location, Location, Location.

Channel 5 will of course feature a plethora of American television shows followed by a phone in quiz show that is designed to seperate the unemployed from their benefits. On the face of it the quiz will appear simple, but infact will be beyond even the finest minds. It will be a quiz of such difficulty that the programme makers might aswell pop round to the participants house, steal all their possessions, take all the food out of their kitchen, beat them up and leave them for dead.

If you’ve got satellite or cable then you can watch repeats of the above.

Camp former Changing Rooms presenter Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen shocked the daytime telly world yesterday with a vicious verbal attack on gardening superstar Alan Titchmarsh.

It was clear that something wasn’t quite right with Llewelyn-Bowen as he stumbled out as a special guest on ITV’s tabloid magazine show Loose Women. A member of the studio audience claimed that he was clearly shaken and that from a stain on his silk purple suit he’d apparently pissed himself.

A visibly nervous Loose Women panel seemed to calm Llewelyn-Bowen with questions about his new charity, a Foundation to Supply Inner City Children with Brightly Coloured Suits. However, things took a nasty turn when Bowen was questioned on how he could use his fame to promote the foundation.

“It would be much easier if I was that cunt Titchmarsh!” he blurted out angrily, leaving the ITV production crew no time to beep out the profanities. “What’s he done? Planted some trees and written a dirty book, and he gets his own chat show. Where’s my chat show? I’m a fucking style icon. There’s no fucking justice.”

Bowen went on to issue a fashion fatwa on Titchmarsh before ITV were forced to cut the live show short, switching instead to a classic episode of Inspector Morse.

Titchmarsh chose to ignore the incident when his own live chat show aired later the day, and has yet to comment on the incident. No-one has heard the views of the Loose Women panel as nobody knows who they are.

A document leaked to the press caused embarrassment for the World Snooker Association today. It reveals several possible changes that could be brought in to effect as early as next season if agreed by all members. The suggestions seem to respond dramatically to Ronnie O’Sullivans call earlier this year for a figure such as Simon Cowell to revamp what he believes to be a ‘dying’ game. The ideas include:

- Costumes for players and creating a mythic backdrop for each character in a similar style to ITV’s Gladiators.

- Music played every time a player misses a pot or scores a sizeable break (borrowing heavily from 20-20 cricket).

- A more upbeat style of commentary (suggested figures include Sid Waddel, Murray Walker, and Craig Charles).

- Players competing to win David Vine’s ashes instead of a trophy.

- A ‘Trick Shot Time Out’ whereby a random siren during a game signifies that a player must temporarily abandon the game and amuse the crowd. Depending on the crowds reaction points will be deducted or added to the player’s score.

- A ‘comedy ferret’ released onto the table to lighten the tension and test players concentration at key moments in the game.

Whilst the Snooker Association was unavailable for comment, several of the games personalities have been quick to make their feelings known. Stephen Hendry, furious at his proposed Conan The Barbarian persona, said that the ideas ‘make a mockery not just of the sport but of great cinema’.

Steve Davis also has his doubts claiming that ‘Whilst I could probably come to terms with playing naked coated entirely in gold body paint, the music idea would be unbearable for somebody with my miss rate’.

O’Sullivan is predictably in favour of many of the changes although concedes that some of the ideas needed minor adjustments – ‘Me being fired into the arena at the start of every game may have health and safety implications’.