How the clergy may look if the Church lets in trannies and gays

The Church has warned that new equality laws could force them to go against their faith.

Despite preaching tolerance and forgiveness, the church are currently able to turn down candidates for jobs as ministers or priests if they are actively homosexual or have changed their gender, or if they are women.

“It clearly states in the bible, No Gays! No Women! No Trannies!” Said Bishop of Chester, Rt Revd Peter Forster. “We’ve also got a team of vicars working around the clock to see if we can find anything in there about blacks aswell.” He added.

The Rt Revd Michael Langrish, Bishop of Exeter and Chair of the Churches Legislation Advisory Service commented “Having to compromise the beliefs of the Christian faith in order to comply with an EU directive makes a mockery of the religion. We simply don’t want any gays, women or trannies working within the church. Paedos, on the other hand, come on in! The more the merrier!”

A statement issued on behalf of the Rt Revd Michael Scott-Joynt, Bishop of Winchester, the Rt Revd Michael Langrish and Rt Revd Peter Forster, read: “The Christian churches, alongside many other faiths, support the Equality Bill’s wider aims in promoting fairness in society and improving redress for those who have suffered unjust treatment. However this fairness does not extend to gays, trannies, women and hopefully blacks. It is important that the church should be able to continue to discriminate against over half of the population, while presenting itself as a moral guide for society.”

A spokesman for gay rights group, Stonewall, adopted a pose in the style of a teapot and said in an extraordinarily camp way “Ooooooooooooooo, what a bitch!”

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All of us at DoTJ Towers were shocked to learn of Stephen Gately’s tragic death. Here is a selection of some of the tributes that have been flooding in. We can only hope that they can show just a glimmer of the brilliant life that we’ve all lost.

“First Jackson, now Gately. It’s been a bad year for music. I hope we can pay a decent tribute on this year’s X-Factor.” – Louis Walsh

“Stephen always believed in Ireland. Maybe now we can all believe in Ireland. You can see it on Google Earth for god’s sake.” – Gerry Adams.

“We always used to joke with him that he was part Leprechaun, we never realised that his Leprechauness would be part of his demise.” – The members of Westlife.

“I remember when I first went into the 2005 Celebrity Big Brother House, I waited as each person entered, hoping that Stephen would be one of them. He wasn’t, but it was still a good year.” – Kenzie.

“There are very few people who get to represent Ireland on a global stage. Me, Gately, Riverdance, Me.” – Bono.

“Goodbye Ireland’s rose, may you ever grow in our hearts. You were the grace that placed itself where lives were torn apart. You called out to our country and you whispered to those in pain. Now you belong to heaven and the stars spell out your name” – Ronan Keating and the other members of Boyzone.

Stephen Gately. 17 March 1976 – 10 October 2009. RIP.