He’s tackled the issue of school dinners being unhealthy, he’s tried to teach the people of Rotherham how to cook, now Jamie Oliver looks set to improve the eating habits of convicts on Death Row. The controversial show will feature convicted serial killers, some of whom tortured and mutilated their victims, being treated to dishes such as warm rocket salad with pancetta and a generous drizzle of balsamic vinegar, Wild mushroom and Venison Stroganoff and campari & grapefruit sorbet.

Oliver hit back at claims that he was rewarding murderers by stating ” Bish bash bosh! These boys are on a shocking diet! They’ve never even tasted Sweet duck legs cooked with plums and star anise sauce! That’s the real crime! Dib dab dob, wallop!”

Death row inmate Brian Cullen, who butchered over 50 people in a 10 year reign of terror, was full of praise for Oliver’s recipes, ” The roasted concertina squid with grilled leaks and a warm chirizo dressing was sublime” he enthused through a specially made mask that prevents him from biting people.

Victims families were said to be deeply distressed by the show with a spokesman revealing ” The fact that these monsters are being rewarded with courgette salad with mint, garlic, red chilli, lemon and extra virgin olive oil, following that up with chocolate clafoutis with caramalized oranges and then washing it down with a pukka fruit smoothie, really turns my stomach! Who’s going to cook the victims grilled marinated mozzarella with crunchy smoked bacon and a black olive and lemon dressing? No-one that’s who! And even if they did they wouldn’t be able to eat it because they’re dead!”

A rescue operation is in progress after emergency services were dispatched to a house in Swindon following reports that a woman had become trapped in a man’s body. A 999 call was made at 11.35 yesterday evening from a woman who claimed that she had become trapped in the body of a 36 year old man, as yet unnamed. Fire services were quickly on the scene and after initial attempts to coax the woman out using a bar of chocolate and a copy of TV Quick failed, the fire service called in a specialist rescue team who arrived shortly after 1am armed with a DVD of Bridget Jones’ diary and a bottle of Lambrini.