A drinking game based on the 9/11 terrorist attrocities has left some members of the general public completely crippled with shock.

The game involves 2 main participants, referred to as The South Tower and The North Tower. The South Tower and The North Tower have to drink a combination of drinks referred to as United Airlines Flight 175 and American Airlines Flight 11.The drinks are determined by picking playing cards. The first tower to collapse loses the game.

Other rules in the game include:

Any player drawing two cards that’s combined value is eleven gets to choose his opposition’s drink. This is referred to as ‘ A controlled demolition’

Any player drawing a nine followed by a three is referred to as Flight 93 and has to crash in a field until the following morning.

War veteran, Mr James Madden is just one of many people who suffered permanent disability as a result of hearing about the game.

“I was surfing on the net trying to find some pictures of Tennis player Laura Robson, when I found a website that had details of the game. I was speechless. I tried to get up to alert my wife to the sickening story, but fell to the ground and was unable to get up. What’s even more upsetting is that losing the use of your legs is referred to in the game as ‘Ground Zero’, so It felt like I was involved in the game, which caused further shock resulting in a mild heart attack.” Said Mr Madden.

The game has been defended by its inventor, Graham Staff, who explained, “The victims of 9/11 died in tragic circumstances. What finer tribute can there be than to honour their memory by getting ripped to the back tits on booze and lying face down in a pool of your own vomit? I’m sure it’s what they would have wanted.”

A 4Chan internet troll raid on kiddie social networking site Habbohotel.com spectacularly backfired last night, and ended in the arrest of almost 300 people under anti-terrorist laws.

In what appeared to be a coordinated attack on a massive scale, 4Chan users launched a full scale terrorist bombardment on the internet space.

One hacker managed to hijack a virtual plane and fly it into the hotel, causing death and destruction on an unprecedented virtual scale. Others mass suicide bombed restaurants and bars causing carnage and panic as surviving avatars attempted to log off and spare themselves.

One child who managed to turn her modem off just in time, spoke of her ordeal this morning:

‘I was just chatting to my friends about Jordan and Peter, then suddenly saw an avatar wearing a turban approaching. I don’t think most people even knew what Allah Akbar meant, so had no chance to run. I only survived by hiding behind a pot plant. It was a miracle’

/B/tards are notorious for their attacks on the site, often blacking their avatars up and blocking off the pool area due to ‘aids’. Until now their activities have been frowned upon, but viewed as harmless troll pranks.

The organiser of the raid (who goes by the name ‘The Mullah’) issued an apology from his police cell this morning admitting that it went ‘too far’. But for the murdered kids who begin the arduous task of creating new avatars from scratch today, it may be too little too late.

The world has been left in a state of confusion today after it came to light that Jeremy Beadle was the orchestrator of the 9/11 attacks. In his posthumography that went on sale this morning, he reveals that he always planned on letting people know, but could not face admitting the truth whilst still alive.

In the final chapter ‘Desperate For Fame’, Beadle explains that the attacks were a series of catastrophically misguided ’stunts’ in order to try and relaunch his television career. Famous in the 80’s and 90’s for his hilarious pranks on unsuspecting members of the public, Beadle explains that it was ‘just designed to be ‘one of those’ but on a much larger scale’.

‘I was undergoing serious bouts of depression at the time due to my failed career and was looking for a way of exploding back onto TV. I knew the networks wouldn’t be interested so I figured I would have to try something independently. I managed to hire a few thrill-seekers who claimed they were willing to hijack planes and fly them dangerously close to some of the most famous landmarks in America. It seemed like the perfect Beadle….on a massive scale’.

‘I was in New York at the time with my camcorder. Everything seemed to be falling into place when I saw the first aircraft in the distance. They would cause a bit of panic, I would film the funny reactions of New Yorkers, and then the planes would land at their intended destinations. I knew there would be a bit of explaining to do but I figured once the dust had settled (so to speak) they would see the genius of it all and it would re-ignite Beadlemania’.

‘Then it happened. I didn’t know what to do and was in a state of shock. I was so crazed with power I kept filming hoping that maybe they still might still see the funny side. Even when the 2nd Plane hit and the bodies were raining down I couldn’t stop the urge to film. Most of the videos that you saw on the news that day were mine!’

Despite the news sending shock waves around the world, George W Bush was quick to play it down and enforce a link between Iraq and ‘weapons of mass Beadle’. ‘We suspected this might be the case all along. Our intelligence told us that Iraq was in fact the only remaining supplier of Jeremy Beadle Videos and that the terrorists were using them for light relief before suicide missions. Our sources tell us that 95 percent of the remaining Beadle video stock has now been destroyed. Hopefully this will be the last we hear of him’.