The world was completely crippled with shock this morning as news came in from Europe that celebrity rapist Roman Polanski has escaped, whilst being transported from a holding cell in Zurich to the maximum security prison where he is due to start his sentence.

Polanski, was arrested by Swiss officials at Zurich airport on 26th September while trying to enter Switzerland, in relation to his outstanding 1978 U.S. arrest warrant.

It is rumoured that he was collecting his life time achievement award for outstanding contributions to the hide and seek industry.

In 1977, Polanski, then aged 44, became embroiled in a scandal involving 13-year-old Dutch cheese that belonged to a famous U.S politician. It ultimately led to Polanski’s guilty plea to the charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a rich man’s cheese, a crime punishable by death in most U.S states.

Swiss authorities are holding back most of the details but witnesses report that while on route on highway 3 from Zurich to Richterswil the security convoy was attacked at around 6 am this morning.

“I saw what looked like gliders coming down from the mountains in the East” Said eye witness Hans Footenhead. “3 Of them like in some Hollywood movie. They flew over the highway and lots of paratroopers in black uniforms jumped out. They were heavily armed with machine guns and bazookas. The blew up the first car in the convoy without firing a warning shot, and then shot many bullets into the motorcycles flanking the armoured car that the riders didn’t stand a chance it was very violent”

According to witnesses at the scene Polanski was then taken from the armoured prison truck and amid the carnage given a piece of cheese by his rescuers and the then fled towards the mountains in the East.

A spokesman for the Swiss police has said that there was an incident on highway 3 involving Polanski’s convoy, but has refused to comment at this stage saying that stuff like this happens in Switzerland all the time and we shouldn’t take it too seriously.

The American pressure group Justice for Rich Mans Cheese are furious their president, dairy tycoon Richard Dastardly fumed in the early hours:
“This is fucking typical! It is a sad day in the history of the world when brave and innocent men are laying down their lives to protect the rights of rich men and their cheese and there are these terrorists and evil doers committing atrocities left right and centre in the name of cheese liberation!”