Michael Jackson shares a joke with a couple of mates
Conspiracy theorists were working overtime today as rumours started to emerge that Michael Jackson is not dead at all.
News that sales of the cash-strapped singer superstar’s back catalogue will generate more cash than they did when he was alive have fueled speculation that he’s alive, well and laughing the best that his surgery ravaged face will allow.
Jackson, who was diagnosed with death last Thursday, has 10 singles currently occupying the UK Top 50 and 5 albums in the Top 20. The singer has seen his popularity soar as people who didn’t previously give a shit have suddenly decided that they think he’s great.
Official Dawn of the Jed doctor, Dr David Pixton, said “Death is a very serious condition that affects the sufferers ability to breath and the hearts ability to continue beating so it’s unlikely that this would have allowed him to fulfil the 50 dates at the O2 Arena that he was scheduled to start later this summer. With this in mind and the singer’s well publicised financial difficulties, it’s entirely plausible that he’s writhing naked on a bed of £50 notes as his record sales go through the roof.”
Recent sightings of Jackson after his alledged death include him being spotted buying some top soil in the Chorley branch of B&Q, browsing the family film section of a Gillingham branch of Blockbusters and waving his cock about at a group of school children on a day trip to the National History Museum.
June 29th, 2009 at 13:47
Leave him alone!
June 29th, 2009 at 14:18
It’s true! Before he died I wasn’t that fussed, I could take or leave his music. Now I can’t get enough.
June 29th, 2009 at 17:15
Whoever wrote this needs to get an absolute grip. You pathetic low life scum.
June 29th, 2009 at 18:55
Big Bad Ben, make sure that you Dont Stop Til You Get Enough.
Whoever wrote this is Bad.
June 29th, 2009 at 19:46
I’ve heard more Michael Jackson song puns in the last fews days than he had plastic surgery operations. So Beat It Terrence.
June 29th, 2009 at 22:27
Well he was trying to teach youngster’s their ABC, for added fun he made them to dance to “Willy Jean”, then played “can you feel it”. Those poor children did not know what was expected of them. MJ finally came up with a “child like” song – “I just can’t stop loving kids”. The youngsters were finally feeling like “family”. How sad it is that a genius is still having to endure crap, but MJJ is “In the closet”.
June 30th, 2009 at 07:21
shut the fuck up you pussies, this is hilarious
June 30th, 2009 at 10:40
Kool, I bet he’s stacking shelves with elvis in the north hampshire asda superstore too.
June 30th, 2009 at 11:43
Greatings, dawnofthejed.com – da best. Keep it going!
GlenStef
June 30th, 2009 at 12:56
Why is it that most jacko fans are thick?
Think about it. All the adults I know are single mum ex slags or gay losers that want to be more camp than they actually are.
Anyone who takes offence at this by the nature of doing so on a satirical website is, by defenition, thick.
Thats a fact, so ask yourself.
and from “The Girl is mine”…..
“Paul, I’m a cadavar, not a fighter”
A bit shit. Sorry.
June 30th, 2009 at 17:46
Drop dead!
June 30th, 2009 at 22:27
i think leave him and family alone, the thick fuckers are the ones that have not lost a loved one and does not know how it feels to either, brooke shelds needs new date, name says it all love!!!! obviously they are not grow up enough to know how good m.j’s music and dancing actually was. i don’t believe m.j touched children or slept with them, i never have. it is because he is the most famouse pop legend off our time people try to get money!!! how stupid!!! and as for the interview in 2003 that took place all off that was edited. fan from start and english so get a grip you sad idiots. just stop now!!!
July 1st, 2009 at 07:41
Hi jj, are you talking to me or suggesting some kind of Jacko tribute?
July 1st, 2009 at 23:17
I hear the North Koreans will be providing the 4th of July Fireworks in LA this year.
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:56
Erm, the sparrows will meet at dawn by the bandstand. Wink wink.
July 3rd, 2009 at 15:35
I seen him in Oxford Street’s Boots, he was dressed as a smurf.
He started out black, then white, now he is blue.
August 21st, 2009 at 16:15
I really think that all you sad sad people really need to get a life. Micheal has passed away so just show some respect will you. Nobody thinks that you are funny (the only people that do are brain dead) so just drop it. I bet your mother is sooo proud of you… Making fun of the dead. But maybe its because your jelous? Because Michael had more money than you could ever imagain. Is that the problem? Is it because you have nothing and your life it shit that you need to pick on other people, dead or not? My word you sad sad people.
September 7th, 2009 at 11:46
i think jed is jelous that michael has been with kids and never got found out
November 2nd, 2009 at 00:09
I LOVE YOU MICHAEL, AND I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMUCH…
November 4th, 2009 at 17:31
Fuck off, you weirdo!